Eleventh New Years Post

This is the eleventh New Years post.

THE 40 QUESTIONS:
Just like I did the other years, I’ve answered 40 questions that I found on a page that doesn't exist anymore so I don't know who to give credit to for them. This year I've caught up a bit so the post is just a couple of weeks late instead of months! Here are the questions:

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?

I started going to local smash-tournaments! It's really fun and one of the things that matter to me in my life right now!

I also was part of a DnD group for the first time. We're still going and it's great!

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Don't make 'em

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No I don't think so.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No

5. What countries did you visit?

Sweden. The furthest I traveled was probably to Skövde if I don't forget something.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

A stable life with income and somewhere to call my own home and so on.

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

You know... it really strikes me that I can't quite remember all that much of the year. The tournament at the end of the year that we have every year maybe, the last HN-tournament to be held in what has been my home for the last 20 years.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Actually starting to do stuff. I'm not there yet but I think I can get going with my life now. On a less serious note I got on the power ranking in VFGC both this summer and winter. I'm disapointed with my performance but at least it was enough to get sort of recognized.

9. What was your biggest failure?

I got so angry this year, I think I need to work on that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not anything that serious I think. But I worried about all sorts of things!

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My tickets to go to Västerås (and Uppsala and Skövde) maybe?

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

Friends that offered me places to stay, should I need that.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

I think I managed to stay away from a lot of depressing, appalling behaviour. I mean yeah, there were political leaders in big countries and stuff that suck but so far that is kind of standard unfortunately.

14. Where did most of your money go?

I think it went to food. I got a little better about not ordering pizza all the time and so on though!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Smash tournaments!

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?

Du brukade kalla mig för baby (feat. Kaah). I was like “hmm” and then I checked the songs from the year and then I was like “mmh”, I've listened to this song so so so so so much this year. It got me to dance on the dance floor of my life. That dance floor was totally shut down and dimly lit and there were no music playing but this song made me dance on it and it feels like opening hours are closing in again!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I. happier or sadder?

Uhm.. don't know, I feel that I might be more capable to do stuff but I'm just so scared to trust myself yet!

II. thinner or fatter?

I think I'm a bit more fat :D

III. richer or poorer?

Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Getting things done, but I'm aware that I would've if I could've!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Getting angry and wasting away.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it with my family and relatives at our house. Playing Cadence of Hyrule with my cousin was great.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?

We had the eleventh HN (Honor of the Nerds) tournament! It was really fun, I ran it and participated and won. Next year we will have to find someplace to be.

22. Did you fall in love in 2019?

I didn't. But I feel time running away from me so maybe I will try to find someone soon, add that to the list of all the things I might try to accomplish haha.

23. How many one-night stands?

0

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Så mycket bättre was good.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nah.

26. What was the best book you read?

I got a bit further in Bruce. Gonna try to read more. But that's way down the list at the moment.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Maybe this was the year I really started listening to Orla Gartland? If it was, yeah, her. I think I started before though so I don't knoooow. Otherwise I listened to stray songs here and there or old and new stuff by artists that've been with me for some time now. Billie Eilish definetly was a presence too.

28. What did you want and got?

Endgame was actually good. Haha. Also I think I got to work on my attitude towards people in my life and start to see some stuff differently at least.

29. What did you want and not get?

Stability. Hopefully I can finally change that. Also I didn't feel like I got to hang out with any of my friends the amount that I would've liked.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Avengers: Endgame. I haven't seen Jojo Rabbit yet though, I really like Taika so we'll see.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I don't think I managed to do anything, I was 28 years, so I'm closing in on thirty now.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I feel like I have to leave the same answer from last year; human warmth, both in my personal life and politically. (However, that isn't to say that I got none of that, just a little less than I would've wanted).

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?

Fading.

34. What kept you sane?

Having something to look forward to, like DnD and Smash Tournaments.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Bah. Who cares? Zendaya, Ana de Armas maybe? Chris Evans?... You know, Deborah Ann Woll was fantastic playing Karen Page to me... but when I discovered her playing DnD on various Youtube projects I got really really invested. She is such a good representative of the community, the little time I've been in it and I feel like she brings out aspects of the game that I really like, and I feel like her enthusiasm is sooo contagious!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

There's much evil to be had from a crowd of people all feeling not responsible. But rather than focus on that, a political campaign that had me invested was Bernie Sanders'. If he becomes president of the US, that would really make a difference in the world, I think that could be a turning point, IF people start to get involved on a massive scale. Just electing a leader won't change anything by itself in a democracy, it's supposed to work because people are engaged but right now information is so blurred and used by downright evil forces. So yeah, I hope the world can get a little better.

37. Who did you miss?

My longtime distant internet friend, she still texts me back when I text but it feels like there's more distance in the rather short answers I get. So we'll see. Otherwise I think I've managed to keep most important people somewhat in my life.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

The group in Västerås that I compete with and against! We have a lot of fun.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:

I don't really know. I think none of what is happening to me can be summed up easily. Maybe that is the lesson; things aren't simple, yes, pick yourself up and do stuff but don't blame yourself either and things that you have to look at from different angles and so on...

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Like earlier years I will try to use ”only” 5 songs.

I'm on an overcrowded train
Fighting an overcrowded brain
And all these bags under my eyes
Hold up my compromise
Maybe I should bail on everything, anything
Did you not learn anything in school?
Could have played by the rules
Could be happy in a different way
Struggling with the London rent
They said it'd be hard, now I know what they meant
I'll lose sleep, head stuck in the cereal bowl
But I'm here for the music, I know
Distracted
Can I say what I mean?
Can I mean what I say?
Why can't I figure out how I feel when I wake up every day?

I face everything with the same old logic
Overanalyzing, everything is tragic
And maybe some things they will never make sense
So I tackle it all, but I'm not making a dent, no

And I think my brain is breakin'

And it's just myself I've been blamin'
It's frustrating
I just wanna know why
And I know no good can come of it
I wish that I could just be done with it
But I'm sinkin'
I just wanna know why I'm overthinkin'
Oh-oh
And I just wanna know, I just wanna know why
Oh-oh
And I just wanna know why

I'm an outcast, to be left behind
I'm an extrovert with an anxious mind
There's a danger that I might just
Pour my heart out to a total stranger in a bar
They're not gonna wanna hear
No, they're just there to sip their beer
Not hear about problems to solve and
"God this girl's so self-involved"
I play it out in my head
I'm tryna make good choices, I hear voices
They can't pick one side
Help, I look so stupid sitting there tongue-tied
Meltdown, all I can hear is code red, code red
Got a problem in the control centre in my own head

Facing the world with the same old logic
Overanalyzing everything is tragic
And maybe some things they will never make sense
So I tackle it all, but I'm not making a dent, no

And I think my brain is breakin'
And it's just myself I've been blamin'
It's frustrating
I just wanna know why
And I know no good could come of it
I wish that I could just be done with it
But I'm sinkin'
I just wanna know why I'm overthinkin'
Oh-oh
And I just wanna know, I just wanna know why
Oh-oh
And I just wanna know, I just wanna know why
Oh-oh
And I just wanna know, I just wanna know why
Oh-oh
And I just wanna know why

Overthinking by Orla Gartland

Aldrig vart en ängel, alltid haft en ängel
Kanske liten hejarklack utav dem bror
Akta mig för bängen, axa över stängslet
Sången det var länge lever drömmen bror
Snurra sena nätter med adidas-barn
Hängde runt i Gucci ställen låtsas man var likadan
Surfa rushen tvungen tackla vågorna som triathlon (Yeah)
Vi gjorde kaos i varje sida av stan
Segla under broarna
Dämpa sedan tio år
Kändes som ett ögonblick
Slaggade på vita moln
Hörde ropen eka i min djupa sömn
Jag kunde inte tyda ett ord men tro på mig att jag har inte glömt
För jag minns Natalia sa till mig
Minns Fransisca sa till mig
Var för blind för o kunna se den kärleken ni gav till mig
Bror du måste vakna ey
Jag ba somna om, så om jag vaknat nu den här för alla dem

Om du kunde säga mig
Hur många gånger ska du rädda mig?
Minns varje gång som du vart där för mig
Kan du säga mig
En nära döden men du rädda mig
Du ger mig hoppet när det lämnat mig
Om du kunde säga mig
För alla ord du sa
Varje råd du gav till mig
Kan du säga mig
Kan du säga mig?
Oh säga mig vad som helst

Hon sa du kommer inte nånstans
Om du inte försöker också
Snart så kommer du hitta balans
Men du måste försöka också
Stora syster det är din bror Ulises
Du gör så skorna lyfter
Ta mig ner på jorden när jag tror för mycket
När jag ville dö så var det er jag tänkte på
Svär förlåt jag vet inte hur jag tänkte då
Föll ner i helvetesskapet och jag var fast
Men ni hjälpte mig
Kärleken fick mig klättra med kraft
Öppna munnen jag går bakk på dig
Hit em' up (braaap)
Min kärlek smattra som det är nyårsnatt
Jag minns Lovisa sa till mig
Minns hur Linda sa till mig
Imen gav mig tro
Hon ba storebror ba lock your way
Bror du måste vakna ey
Jag ba somna om, så om jag vaknat nu den här för alla dem

Om du kunde säga mig
Hur många gånger ska du rädda mig?
Minns varje gång som du vart där för mig
Kan du säga mig
En nära döden men du rädda mig
Du ger mig hoppet när det lämnat mig
Om du kunde säga mig
För alla ord du sa
Varje råd du gav till mig
Kan du säga mig
Kan du säga mig?
Oh säga mig vad som helst

Då såg hon Birk
Och han var rädd, det såg man
Utan hjälp skulle han inte kunna komma därifrån
Förr eller senare skulle han störta ner i djupet
När han inte orkade längre
Ronja tog skinnremmen som hon bar ihoprullad vid bältet
Och firade ner den till birk
Här du kan börja klättra när jag ropar!
Hur många gånger tänker du rädda mitt liv?
Systra mi

Om du kunde säga mig
Hur många gånger ska du rädda mig?
Minns varje gång som du vart där för mig
Kan du säga mig
En nära döden men du rädda mig
Du ger mig hoppet när det lämnat mig
Om du kunde säga mig
För alla ord du sa
Varje råd du gav till mig
Kan du säga mig
Kan du säga mig?
Oh säga mig vad som helst

Säga mig (feat. Jireel) by STOR

When it all goes bad
You're the shrink of the club
But you don't ever take your own advice
The world won't fall if you're not holding it up
Just take a minute, put your mind on ice

And you try and you try and you're trying
But the burden is heavy and overgrown
And God knows that we all get tired
It's a long night when you do it on your own, and I

I hate how you talk to yourself
It's not weak if you need to be held
So cut off a little slack
And roll all your cavalry back
My love, take care of yourself

Call your friends, send your ego away, no
Don't need to take it all so seriously
You don't get a medal for the last one awake, so
Rest your eyes and give your baggage to me

And you try and you try and you're trying
But the burden is heavy and overgrown
And God knows that we all get tired
It's a long night when you do it on your own, and I

I hate how you talk to yourself
It's not weak if you need to be held
So cut off a little slack
And roll all your cavalry back
My love, take care of yourself

And I hate how you're going through hell, yeah
When you'd never let anyone else
So cut off a little slack
And roll all your cavalry back
My love, take care of yourself
Well, my love, take care of yourself

All these things we hide behind
Let's not do that, you and I
Take a breath and take your time
Hold my gaze and we'll be fine

'Cause God knows that we all get tired
It's a long night when you do it on your own, and I

I hate how you talk to yourself
It's not weak if you need to be held
So cut off a little slack
And roll all your cavalry back
My love, take care of yourself

And I hate how you're going through hell, yeah
When you'd never let anyone else
So cut off a little slack
And roll all your cavalry back
My love, take care of yourself
Well, my love, take care of yourself
Well, my love, take care of yourself

Take Care of Yourself by Maisie Peters

Lately I've been sad
I don't know if that's good or it's bad
These rumours got me always in my bag
I don't know what to do

But, lately I've been sad
I don't know if thats good or its bad
I'm feeling feelings that I never knew I had
And its all 'cause of you

Love me like the world is ending baby
Love me like this shit won't last
Fuck around and fell in love now maybe
Do you wanna fuck around with me real fast?

Call me up and tell me that it's all in my head
Call me baby and then honey and then take me to bed
All these moments are the type of shit I'll never forget with you
With you, with you
Lately I've been sad but thats just cause I'm alone
6 months in this house but doesn't feel like a home
I just wanna be alone, wanna be alone with you
Wanna be alone with you, with you, with you
Wanna be alone with you, with you, with you

Lately I've been sad
I don't know if that's good or it's bad
All I wanna do is kick it out the back
Feel closer to you
Lately I've been down
Theres no feelings I've been throwing to the ground
All I wanna do is feel safe and sound
And I got it with you

Love me like the flowers growin' down on my street
Wish you could see how much you mean to me
But what would you do?

Call me up and tell me that it's all in my head
Call me baby and then honey and then take me to bed
All these moments are the type of shit I'll never forget with you
With you, with you
Lately I've been sad but that's just cause I'm alone
6 months in this house but doesn't feel like a home
I just wanna be alone, wanna be alone with you
Wanna be alone with you, with you, with you
Wanna be alone with you, with you, with you

Lately I've been sad
I don't know if that's good or it's bad
These rumours got me always in my bag
I don't know what to do

Lately I've been sad by Lilacs.

Jag ser dig sällan glad längre
Har du fått veta nåt stort idag
Har nån fått cancer?
Har nån fått barn?
Livet är både en dröm och ett as

Du kunde bära en fjäder för mig
Jag bar ett ton tvungna kilo för dig
Vissa försvinner, andra håller jag dyrt
Livet är både magi och tortyr

Eller hur!
Men vadå?
Levnaden svider emellanåt
Eller hur!
Säg det nu
Livet är ett svart hål som läcker ljus

Har dina vänner träffats i smyg?
Har du fått skratta på låtsas igen?
Gudarna vräktes från lyan de hyr
Livet är både en mur och en vy

Eller hur!
Men vadå?
Levnaden svider emellanåt
Eller hur!
Säg det nu
Livet är ett svart hål som läcker ljus

Ingen har manus, det är ingen film
Du spelar storroll men får ingenting
Ingen har förtur för ingen kom först
Livet är både juveler och smuts

Eller hur!
Men vadå?
Levnaden svider emellanåt
Eller hur!
Säg det nu
Livet är ett svart hål som läcker ljus

Livet är de gående dödas parad
Brödet vi alla ska leva av
Kraschen och vinsten
Lusten och intet
När vi går under
Där när vi flyger
Det ruttna i alla
Det fina i många
Gamarna slickade läpparna torra
Det bortsprungna barnet som finns i oss alla
Och meningslösheten i mig

Eller hur!
Men vadå?
Levnaden svider emellanåt
Eller hur!
Säg det nu
Livet är ett svart hål som läcker ljus
Herregud!
Är det ljust nu?
Tänk att vi lyckades komma ut
Eller hur!
Säg det nu
Livet är ett svart hål som läcker ljus

Eller hur! by Jens Hult

END-19 THE ONES LAST YEAR AWARDS!

Ok so, awards again. I'll be telling you my favourite in several different categories and a runner up.. in other words 2 titles/people/whatever wins in each category! There's not really any order to the two in each category so both win equally.

BEST ALBUM 2019

“Konstgjord andning” by Melissa Horn
I felt that Lars Winnerbäcks new album was ok but Melissa just kept up releasing music that felt as relevant as every album she has released has felt. And to think that there was a time when I wanted to go see her live while her newest album was still one I liked, I feared so much that the quality would decline but so far it seems my fears were really unfounded, I think this album has captured me more than most of her previous ones did actually.
So many of the songs had been released before the album came out so I had heard many songs already, but that shouldn't take away from the album, I really liked a lot of these songs as singles before and there are so many good ones, maybe the album release in itself didn't have anything left that really blew me away but that doesn't matter, they knew what songs they had and when they all came together in a great album I just couldn't stop thinking about the album for weeks. “För varje gång”, “Regnet” and “Om jag aldrig hade mött dig hade jag varit lycklig nu” are great. “Jag vill ha dig hela tiden” and “Sång från ett kalas” are nice surprises but “Du brukade kalla mig för baby (feat. Kaah)” was the one I felt my soul dance too all spring long, into summer and fall, it's just so catchy and I don't get enough of it at all, by this point at least.

“WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?”

Dodies “Human” and Veronica Maggios “Fiender är tråkigt” are awesome... But come on, it's Billie Eilishs fantastic album, I cannot not pick it! “when the party's over”, “bad guy”, “bury a friend”, “ilomilo”, “listen before I go” and “i love you” all have potential to be my favorite song of hers on the right day. Especially the first three have potential to make my ears happy anytime. Most of the other songs are really good too! I just can't, the songs are so great!

BEST GAME 2019

Cadence of Hyrule

What a great game! I only really got to playing it in december after trying it out with a friend for an hour or two when it came out. But it's great and I really like playing it. It combines so many elements I like in a beautiful whole that feels natural. Most of all it manages to combine turn based strategy with action games in a way by putting actions on a beat. I really liked it and have played through story with Link, and once with Octavo and also once in co-op with my cousin. I am a fan of the first Zelda game, I am a fan of good music, I am a fan of rogue-like elements and I am such a fan of most things this game does!

Tetris 99
It was honestly pretty close between this and Dr. Mario World, both are puzzle games that I've put waaay too much time into but these are great for just sitting down and playing for a while. Tetris in itself is such a great game and putting it into a battle royal is so strange and works strangely well! It's a blast.

Other games that I at least considered were Dead or Alive 6, which, while still having that core system that I really really like, didn't feel that different from DoA 5 and the elements I don't like about the series are still there too. Pokemon Shield was fun too, I like the design of the new pokemon and I had a good time but I still feel like the series need to take bigger steps, the wild area was kind of fun but I had hoped that it would've kept me entertained for a longer time. Don't get me wrong, I feel like the game does improve, but I also feel like it needs to improve more.

BEST ANIME 2019

My hero Academia season 4

MHA is still going right now, it's really really nice, I like it very much!

One Punch Man season 2

I cannot remember all that much about One Punch Man season 2 right now and I don't think it made as strong of an impression on me as the first season did. However, One Piece was pretty nice at points throughout the year but One Punch man keeping it shorter and sweeter made it stand out more as a whole than One Piece year-long running episodes.

BEST MOVIE 2019

Avengers: Endgame
I'm such a fan of the MCU and they pulled off both Infinity War and Endgame when I was almost certain that these movies would be when the bubble finally burst. But no, they were great, both of them. I had some problems and Thor: Ragnarok is still my favorite but both Infinity War and Endgame are up there, I liked Captain Marvel and Spiderman Far From Home too but Endgame was the best MCU film of the year.

Knives Out
I'm so glad that me and my mom went to see this one, I'd heard of it, was interested and one day I saw that it would be the last day they showed it in our little cinema. So we went and I wasn't disappointed, I'm really starting to like Rian Johnson. And even if I really did like The Last Jedi, this feels like he's more in his element and it was just a delight to watch the actors do their thing throughout the movie.

Note; there are still movies from this year that I want to watch but this is based on the ones I have seen.

Awards taken out from last year:

None, these are the ones that feel relevant for now.

If you happen to have any award that you feel I should’ve given out, tell me! If anybody suggests something in the comments I could give out more awards next year.

Another year done, there's just one thing left; the song of today:

The song of today:
Everything I wanted by Billie Eilish

Honestly, I think that I might like some of the songs on “WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO?” better but I already mentioned that whole album aaaand sometimes you just have to pick whatever you're into at the moment. The floating music in the background is nice and the lyrics are probably the best part.

Even faster this year, that feels like an improvement! Maybe I'll get back to posting on New Year's one of these days! Cya!